Some of the time it doesn't even get to the part where you can offer cake; I heard about your cake party and erroneously assumed that only your kind are invited to have cake (because when I peeked in the window it's all your kind).  I then back off, secretly wondering about cake.

also, it is apparent that when I went to the party it was a cake party.

it's a weird cycle.  I've been told MANY times that people are sometimes intimidated by our shop.  A lot of women told me that they  are intimidated by the sheer amount of guys there (and while maybe the majority of them aren't 'sexist bastards' it takes only one and the indifference of others to reinforce this.)

I don't think advertising gender nights/ talking about trying to level the playing field at the shop is being pushy.  Think about it; the only types of people who would step foot in are ones who are interested in bikes and 'bike culture.'  Even if they're just there to get a bike to ride around town in they've already signed up for it.

On Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 10:48 AM, <> wrote:
Not to detract from the things offered already, as a general discussion about how to end sexism and all the other 'isms is important, but I may not have stated my question clearly originally.

Say your'e at a party, and there's cake. The cake gets cut and distributed. You're taking your sweet time eating your piece of cake. I get to the party late, after the cake has been cut and distributed. You still have some cake left on your plate.
 How much energy is appropriate for you to put into making sure I get some cake also? As it turns out, I'm just not interested in the cake you're offering. I have no problems with you having some and me not. You offer to split your cake with me. You offer to cut the cake and let me choose which half to have myself.
 Seriously, I'm not interested in the cake. It has nothing to do with you or your cake. It's about not wanting cake.

Does this analogy have a place in a discussion about privilege? There are going to be some people at all levels of privilege, class, gender, etc, who just aren't interested in bicycles or community bike shops, no matter how accessible, open, oppression free, safe space providing they are. How do we know we've done enough to accommodate the community, and when we're being pushy by expecting to have someone of every dynamic in the shop?

Again, I sincerely hope I'm not coming across as the dickhead white male...and I would say that I personally have not and do not do enough regularly to address the things I could. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT me saying "enough with this accommodating already!" Just trying to figure out where the line is between being fair and offering what I/we have to someone who doesn't and being pushy with our interests towards people who just don't want cake.

Hope that make sense.

Thanks for the input, everyone. Love for each and every one of you reading this.

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