Sasha- Why don't you look into third party mediation for you situation. In Baltimore we have afew wonderful medations centers that perform the service for cheap or free. I'm not sure if detroit has anything like this, but if not you could work on finding an impartial person from outside the collective(and with out a personal stake in the results) that both parties can agree on to mediate...Of course this means that the parties involved would first have to acknowledge the problem exists. If B and C are threatening to leave because of this person, then it seems out in the open enough to suggest bringing in an impartial third party...Sometimes having a safe forum to air these kinds of concerns in a respectful manner can help with these sticky personal problems...and a trained mediator can help the different sides to communicate their concerns and come up with tangible solutions with out allowing emotions and tempers to take over.
As for Trans/lady's night--I decided it was time to start one in baltimore when I looked around one night and realized that I was the only woman in the shop. I also would observe women being talked down to and "helped" alittle too eagerly by some of our male volunteers. Since we started "lady's night" I've noticed the genders balancing off a good deal on regular nights. I think the best way to deal with backlash is to get testimonials from women who have been intimidated by or in regular shop, and to talk about who is coming to your shop now. Do you have an even amount of men/women volunteers? how many of the women identified people are mechanics? Have you seen situations personally where a woman was made to feel uncomfortable?
When we started lady's night we had acouple negative responses, but overall we had support. I suggest dealing with the dissenters without judgment or anger and giving strong reasons why it is important to have a exclusive night for women and genderqueer people.
here is one response i gave to a particularly nasty email reaction...maybe some of these arguments will be helpful... sorry this is so long-hope it is helpful -beth velocipede bike project.
-------------- Original message -------------- From: "Velocipede Bike Project" info@velocipedebikeproject.org
A- I'm sorry we have offended you, I hope I can explain why we at Velocipede, think this night is necessary.
Have you been to open shop, or one of our events lately? I don't remember your name, but we have been pretty busy lately, and I've gotten pretty bad with names. Anyway, the reason I ask, is because if you had been to a shop lately I was wondering if you noticed the demographics of the people at the shop.
I personally notice this regularly because I am often the only woman, or only one of two women during an open shop night. This is not incedental. Many women have expressed to me that they have felt overwhelmed or intimidated during open shop and left. Also, many women have expressed that they often find it hard to ask questions of men, or when they do ask feel patronized.
Of the few women that have begun to come regularly, a vast majority of them came in at first with a male friend or spouse and have told me that they were scared to come alone. This was what led us at Velocipede to decide that a woman's only night was important.
I undertand how it may seem counter intuitive that by occasionally excluding people we are actually being inclusive. However, there are subtle ways to make people feel excluded that happen every day and we seldom realize it is happening until we look around and see that only a specific group of poeple seem to be there. This is a way to change that trend, by making people feel safe in a realm that all too often has been male dominated. Women are often discouraged to be mechanical, and it is hard to understand how much courage it can take to get over that barrier.
As a woman who has spent alot of time in trades that are traditionally, and still very much male dominated, I could go on and on about this, but will leave you with this. The community groups that I am in contact with are very excited about this night, and so far, your response has been the only negative response I've heard. Gender, and gender roles, span many communties and reach into issues that are hard to talk about but are important to deal with.
I hope that I have helped you to understand our reasons why we feel it is so important to have these nights, and I hope that you will continue to help us in what ever way you choose, to make bicycles assessable to everyone.
Sincerely- Beth
Hello there back,
I don't know why you need a special night for anyone. Working and
riding a
bicycle is a pretty transcendent experience. Your announcement is
chockful
of the most expressively typical politically corrent sentiments. When
will
you have the special night for the gender un-queer individuals? Or the special night for the Albino Hermaphrodites? You may think this is an extreme example but I think it points out the idiocy in your statement. It's so fitting that your purpose is to make gender queer individuals "comfortable". Let's not let them be forced to mingle with anyone other than themselves. Let's coccoon them away for a night so they can feel comfortable. Afterall, riding a bike is such a straight, male, untransgenered sport. How they must suffer. You have reduced the care and nurturing of bicycles to fit a political, sexual agenda. At first, I thought the Velocipede Bike Project was a great community thing. You had my support. Now, I see that you're just more lame thought police f or the "disenfranchised." So when will you have a night for all the other minorities so they too can feel comfortable riding and caring for their bikes? You may envision that you're "embracing" and "supporting," but in fact you're being limited and trendy. I've said my say, and now I'll
leave
you alone to your ridiculously polite and ever-so-inclusive language. "Bike Night for Trans Women. ONLY". Gee, the only thing you didn't add
was
calling it a "Celebration".
Your small-minded thinking, in the guise of openness is sad.
A L Ex-Velocipede Supporter
-------------- Original message -------------- From: Velocipede Bike Project
Hello Veloci-lovers-
In order to empower women and gender queer individuals to feel comfortable learning about, working on and riding bicycles, and to generally raise the estrogen levels in the veloci-community, we will begin hosting a women and trans only shop night every other tuesday.
Our first woman/trans night will begin this tuesday, May 15th from 6-10pm and continue every other tuesday. check out our website calendar for the next shop nights, and for other special events!!!!!
Also, this monday night, may 14th form 7-9pm we will be holding the next in our series of clinics- Headsets-the steering system of the bicycle. We will go over the different kinds of headsets, talk some about choosing a headset when building a bike, learn to diagnose common problems you may encounter with your headset, and then we will disassemble and rebuild a headset.
Come steer your way to Velocipede where the fun never stops!!! (for directions hours and more info check out www.velocipedebikeproject.org)
Velocipede Bike Project 4 W Lanvale St, Baltimore http://velocipedebikeproject.org info@velocipedebikeproject.org
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Hi, Colin. Back Alley bikes in Detroit has had wonderful Women andTrans nights for over a year. The amazing B got the idea from the people
at Plan B. She and C ran it.
It was great. The shop was so quiet. Everyone askedpolitely for tools%